How Jehovah Got My Attention: Part 4 (Forgiveness)

'This topic, Forgiveness,
was a BIG issue with me.'

Welcome back, again, you beautiful readers. If you are back, then that means you are eager to proceed. Heads up on this one though. This topic, Forgiveness, was a BIG issue with me. As you will learn, forgiveness was not something I was big on, and so, Jehovah worked with me, but, still, this was a hard thing for me. Please, read on...

Once I got the 'Bible Teach' book and my new Bible, I took them to work with me and started studying it. I started learning things I never knew were in my own Bible from page one of the Bible Teach Book. I was excited! I couldn't put the book down! I would constantly call papa and share with him what I was learning!

Is it possible?

Papa encouraged me to attend the congregation book study and I decided to go. The only KH (Kingdom Hall) that I knew of was the one in E-town, and I did not want to go to that one as my Mother-in-law was attending that one, and I did not want to see her. I also knew that we lived in the Territory of the Vine Grove, Kentucky KH and that is the one we should be attending anyway. So while still at work, I call my daughter and asked her for directions to the KH as she had been there before, and I went there directly from work, pulling the Semi tractor into the parking lot, and attended my first congregation book study. There weren't many people there, but that mattered not to me. I sat in the back row, and listened...and learned. Afterwards, the only person to greet me was the Gentleman who conducted the lesson. Of course, I was thrilled to be learning stuff in the Bible, and called Papa to share what I had learned. He was very encouraging.

Two days later, Saturday, guess who pulls into our driveway again? Yep, that same couple that had been out at our house a month ago. Papa had invited them in and when I came around the corner into the kitchen, I recognized them. And with that big, sweet, attractive smile, he says to me: “I hear you were at the meeting Thursday night.” I agreed with him. He asked me how I liked it and I was overjoyed to tell him. Then, while leaning up against my kitchen counter, arms crossed, he looks me square in the eyes and asks me: “So, are you ready to study now?” The answer was YES. Knowing our past history with studying, Papa wanted to make sure we had a back-up day for a study if something should interfere with our original study day. Turns out, it wasn't really needed as we approached the study differently. Papa and I look back on it and we both agree that this time, our hearts were really in it.

We started our study with Mark and Shirley A. out of the 'What does God Require of us?' brochure. It wasn't long before the poor A's would be studying with us for at least 3-4 hours, weekly, but they did not seem to mind, and we enjoyed their company. Occasionally, my mom would sit in on the studies, and I knew when we got to the part on the Trinity, she would have trouble, but talking to Mark about it was the start of a bond between the two of us that I can not explain. For one thing, He explained things to me in such a way that I could imagine myself there. I like to tell folks that I can just see the dust blowing across the street. And because Mark came from the same religious background as myself, he knew what I was going through and what I was thinking. Boy were we bonding! But it helped me to let go of my past teaching and readily except what I was reading in the Bible.

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"BUT I HAVE BAGGAGE."

Along with me attending the Thursday night Book study of the Bible Teach book, Papa and I are attending the Sunday Meetings. I enjoy the friendship that is developing between myself and the others in the congregation. But I have baggage. There is still this great rift between myself and my Mother-in-law and Papa is caught in the middle. He talks to Mark about it to see if we can get some help. Mark arranges a meeting between Papa, myself, and Tom S., the C/O and Mark himself. The problem: Papa is trying to figure out how to get both his mother and myself into the same vehicle without us killing each other so that he can take her up to the District Convention so that she can get baptized. Of course, out comes the Bible, and I leave full of tears, having a reading assignment of an article on the importance of forgiveness, plus many scriptures to look up, but feeling that they really care. In the end, I know that I am going to have to give up my hatred in order to please God. But I don't want to. Hatred has been my friend for so long.

"I went home with an
even greater appreciation
of Jehovah's Witnesses."

In the end, my Mother-in-law arrives at the D/C by other means. Paul and I attend all three days, and the conduct of the people made quite an impression on me. I was moved to tears to see how the elderly and handicapped were attended to. I remember thinking that I did not know of any other organization, religious or otherwise, that treated the elderly and handicapped with such attentiveness and compassion. I went home with an even greater appreciation of Jehovah's Witnesses.

Meanwhile, It does not take long to find out that the Thursday night studies are conducted in private homes to allow for more groups. One night while Mark and Shirley are at our home for our home study, we were informed that their home is closer to my home than the Kingdom Hall, and that I am officially invited to go there. So I eventually do, and enjoy it very much. Long after everyone had left, I was still there, talking with Mark and Shirley. And he was happy to do it. I would end up leaving their home around eleven pm. Poor Mark, he had to work the next day. But I could not get enough information.

One night, after the Thursday night Book study, Mark baits a hook for me concerning the Theocratic Ministry School. I took the bait and attended. Papa had given me a heads up on what to expect, but seeing it was a bit overwhelming, (after all, I had never been inside a church that actually teaches you to teach others the Bible) but I was still happy to be there. After the meeting, one of the sisters that had given a presentation, who happens to be in book study at the A's home comes up to me and asks me it I think I can do 'this.' 

I say yes, but it wasn't until late one night after the Thursday night study, that Mark asks me if I would like to join the school, that I actually join, because I was not sure that I was ready, but he assured me that I was. And what should my first talk be about? FORGIVENESS!! As a Householder, (assistant) mind you, but I still did research for the talk, and I learned even more about the need to forgive, but I still couldn't get the mastery of it! This forgiveness thing was holding me back. I could not, in good conscience, proceed spiritually while Hatred still had the mastery over me.

Meanwhile, we had finished the Bible Teach Book as a congregation study, and I knew that there were some who were wondering why I wasn't baptized yet, but again, I had baggage. Heavy baggage. I did go ahead and ask to progress as an unbaptized publisher. So my first experience in the Ministry was handing out invitations to the upcoming memorial of Christ' Death, and by the second week, I was taking the lead in the conversations. I enjoyed the field ministry and knew that it was something I would be able to do for Jehovah, but my heart was still heavy.  

In part 5, I will talk about something else that was holding me back from serving Jehovah with a happy heart... Pride and Resentment. Yep...