3 Factors to Real Friends - I learned I'm a lousy friend - Self Examination

AWAKE! NO. 1 2016

HELP FOR THE FAMILY | YOUNG PEOPLE

How to Make Real Friends

Welcome back, my beautiful readers. Again, thank you for allowing me to share with you my personal thoughts.

I am a lousy friend, and I say that because, after listening to this article, I found myself lacking. While following along, I looked deep inside myself, and yes, I found myself lacking, as a friend. Let me explain...

1) HERE'S THE CHALLENGE

A shallow relationship... wow... I hadn't thought of it that way! Think about it, technology helps us to connect with more people, conveniently, than at any other time in history. I love technology for this reason. Yet, it is possible for relationships to seem shallow. I am glad for this article as it helps me to identify challenges in these days to enjoy friendships that are enduring and meaningful.

2) WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW

I am like... sooooo way guilty of this, the rapid-fire texts. So, in a way, Technology may be partly to blame. To me, it is easier to converse with people, friends, family, via text, maintaining a friendship without being in their presence.  I guess that's because I don't have to invest so much emotion. I have to admit, having a face-to-face with my friends and family (Bekah and Michael) can some times be exhausting for me. I will sometimes feel out of breath, tight in the chest, anxious to leave. (Wow... I've got problems!) Even talking on the phone can be a challenge for me... (Yep... issues)

Technology can make our friendships seem 'closer than they really are.' Admittedly, I find this happening with me. I will text some of my friends, a 'thinking of you' text, and some don't text me back. Now I understand that life makes us busy, and I try not to get upset with I don't receive a text in return. However, when I don't get a text back, I feel like I have just burdened my friends by taking up their time with my texts. But never do I feel that we are 'not' friends, but, we ain't close, apparently. I guess, face-to-face is better for them.

I really felt that texting and social media was enough. After all, texting and social media avenues help me to keep in touch with people and keeping in touch helps strengthen the friendships. Yes, it helps me to keep in touch, but, is it just building bridges to others without drawing me any closer to them??? PROBABLY!!! Offline relationship, that is where I am lacking... a lot. Oh, I will go to get togethers, especially ones within the congregation... after all, Jehovah's Witnesses are the 'meetinest... eatinest' bunch of people I've ever met, and I do enjoy the association and spending time with my friends... IJS... but, again, a face-to-face is SO HARD for me.  

3) WHAT YOU CAN DO

It's time to Define real friendship. The Bible describes a friend this way, as someone who "sticks closer than a brother." (Proverbs 18:24)  A friend that 'sticks closer than a brother.' I truly feel that I have those types of friends. And I would like to think that others think I am that way, I know I feel that I am the type of friend that will stick ta ya like glue... So... WHAT CAN I DO? To be a better friend? I will have to give this some deep thought. The article suggests writing down 3 qualities that I would want a friend to have, and 3 qualities that I would like to bring to the friendship. I love 'loyalty' most of all. I am loyal, and I want my friends to be loyal. - —Bible principle: Philippians 2:4.

Lets Establish some priorities... I feel comfortable in this department, in the priorities I have set with my Online friends. I have Online friends who share similar interest, and that keeps me coming back for more. They respect my request to keep it G rated. I love it when my friends will send me pics of Tarantulas, even though they HATE spiders... I feel loved when they do that... hee hee hee... And my other Online friends and I share the same values. We love Jehovah, participate in the preaching work, and try to be that friend that 'sticks closer than a brother.'—Bible principle: Proverbs 13:20.

Now, this next one on the list is a toughie for me... Get out and meet people... 
I DON'T WANNEW...!!! I am so not into face-to-face... I...J...S...!!! And, admittedly, there is nothing quite the same as face-to-face. Nothing like eye contact to make me nervous, never mind those subtle nuances of voice tone, the facial expressions, and oh yes, body language. And when I am feeling down, the last thing I can bear is the sound of a voice, from someone caring, to break down my wall and cause my emotions to bubble to the surface, overflow, and cause me to start crying....I HATE CRYING!!! It is a lack of control to me, and I HATE being out of control, or not having control. I.E. the reason I don't answer the phone. (Yep, I've got issues.) Still, to be a good friend, I must TRY to better...—Bible principle: 1 Thessalonians 2:17.

One of the ways to keep in touch with friends mentioned in the article: Write a letter. Oh, now this I LOVE TO THE MOON AND BACK! I love to write letters. And what better way to say you care enough about that person than with a peice of your time, devoting to them your undivided attention.  I wrote letters to my son while he was on vacation. I participated in the 'TruckerBuddy' program with a class of students in Stephenson, Michigan, I even had a pen pal from the Philippines when I was in Junior High. It may be 'old technology' but if you love to write, why not? Why not send a friend a letter. (Addresses please, although I am not sure I have the time if I get a mail bag of letters...  :-) )

The bottom line.... I need to work on more face-to-face... but I don't wannew... but I need to... Real friendships requires that you and your friends, my friends and I, display love, empathy, patience and forgiveness, (qualities hard to display when the only time you talk with your friends is online) not just keeping in touch. 

I also need to take this time to apologize to my daughter, Bekah, and my son Michael. I am a lousy mother. Showing affection has never been a strong suite in this family, especially with me. No Hugs, Kisses, that sort of thing. It wasn't something I experienced as a child, so it was never 'learned.' So as my kids were growing up, no hugs, kisses. Yep, lousy mom. The bottom line? They probably hate me, and I don't blame them. But my commitment is to start first with my family... the rest of y'all will just have to wait in line. I have a lot to work on. I am definitely gunna need Jehovah's help with this one.  

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  —Philippians 2:4 “Look out not only for your own interests, but also for the interests of others.”
• —Proverbs 13:20 “The one walking with the wise will become wise.
• —1 Thessalonians 2:17 “We made every effort to see you in person.”

On a side note, my life in public schools 'taught' me to reject friendships. It was hard going for me. So when I came into Jehovah's organization and witnesses true friendship, it helped me to drop the guard I had put up around my heart and seek out friendship. Still, I don't have anyone 'real' close. The closest was my spiritual mother, and when she died, I never allowed myself to get 'real' close with anyone else, but I mean 'real' close... I...J...S...