'This topic, Forgiveness, was a BIG issue with me.' |
Welcome back, again, you beautiful readers. If you are back, then that means you are eager to proceed. Heads up on this one though. This topic, Forgiveness, was a BIG issue with me. As you will learn, forgiveness was not something I was big on, and so, Jehovah worked with me, but, still, this was a hard thing for me. Please, read on...
Once I got the 'Bible Teach' book and
my new Bible, I took them to work with me and started studying it. I
started learning things I never knew were in my own Bible from page
one of the Bible Teach Book. I was excited! I couldn't put the book
down! I would constantly call papa and share with him what I was
learning!
Is it possible? |
Papa encouraged me to attend the
congregation book study and I decided to go. The only KH (Kingdom Hall) that I knew of was the one in E-town, and I did not want to go to that one as my
Mother-in-law was attending that one, and I did not want to see her.
I also knew that we lived in the Territory of the Vine Grove,
Kentucky KH and that is the one we should be attending anyway. So
while still at work, I call my daughter and asked her for directions
to the KH as she had been there before, and I went there directly
from work, pulling the Semi tractor into the parking lot, and
attended my first congregation book study. There weren't many people
there, but that mattered not to me. I sat in the back row, and
listened...and learned. Afterwards, the only person to greet me was
the Gentleman who conducted the lesson. Of course, I was thrilled to
be learning stuff in the Bible, and called Papa to share what I had
learned. He was very encouraging.
Two days later, Saturday, guess who
pulls into our driveway again? Yep, that same couple that had been
out at our house a month ago. Papa had invited them in and when I
came around the corner into the kitchen, I recognized them. And with
that big, sweet, attractive smile, he says to me: “I hear you were
at the meeting Thursday night.” I agreed with him. He asked me how
I liked it and I was overjoyed to tell him. Then, while leaning up
against my kitchen counter, arms crossed, he looks me square in the eyes and asks
me: “So, are you ready to study now?” The answer was YES. Knowing our past history with studying,
Papa wanted to make sure we had a back-up day for a study if
something should interfere with our original study day. Turns out, it
wasn't really needed as we approached the study differently. Papa and
I look back on it and we both agree that this time, our hearts were
really in it.
We started our study with Mark and
Shirley A. out of the 'What does God Require of us?'
brochure. It wasn't long before the poor A's would be
studying with us for at least 3-4 hours, weekly, but they did not
seem to mind, and we enjoyed their company. Occasionally, my mom
would sit in on the studies, and I knew when we got to the part on
the Trinity, she would have trouble, but talking to Mark about it was
the start of a bond between the two of us that I can not explain. For
one thing, He explained things to me in such a way that I could
imagine myself there. I like to tell folks that I can just see the
dust blowing across the street. And because Mark came from the same
religious background as myself, he knew what I was going through and
what I was thinking. Boy were we bonding! But it helped me to let go
of my past teaching and readily except what I was reading in the
Bible.
Add caption |
"BUT I HAVE BAGGAGE." |
Along with me attending the Thursday
night Book study of the Bible Teach book, Papa and I are attending
the Sunday Meetings. I enjoy the friendship that is developing
between myself and the others in the congregation. But I have
baggage. There is still this great rift between myself and my
Mother-in-law and Papa is caught in the middle. He talks to Mark
about it to see if we can get some help. Mark arranges a meeting
between Papa, myself, and Tom S., the C/O and Mark himself. The
problem: Papa is trying to figure out how to get both his mother and
myself into the same vehicle without us killing each other so that he
can take her up to the District Convention so that she can get
baptized. Of course, out comes the Bible, and I leave full of tears,
having a reading assignment of an article on the importance of
forgiveness, plus many scriptures to look up, but feeling that they
really care. In the end, I know that I am going to have to give up my
hatred in order to please God. But I don't want to. Hatred has been
my friend for so long.
"I went home with an even greater appreciation of Jehovah's Witnesses." |
In the end, my Mother-in-law arrives at
the D/C by other means. Paul and I attend all three days, and the
conduct of the people made quite an impression on me. I was moved to
tears to see how the elderly and handicapped were attended to. I
remember thinking that I did not know of any other organization,
religious or otherwise, that treated the elderly and handicapped with
such attentiveness and compassion. I went home with an even greater
appreciation of Jehovah's Witnesses.
Meanwhile, It does not take long to
find out that the Thursday night studies are conducted in private
homes to allow for more groups. One night while Mark and Shirley are
at our home for our home study, we were informed that their home is closer to my home than the Kingdom Hall, and that I am officially
invited to go there. So I eventually do, and enjoy it very much. Long
after everyone had left, I was still there, talking with Mark and
Shirley. And he was happy to do it. I would end up leaving their home
around eleven pm. Poor Mark, he had to work the next day. But I could
not get enough information.
One night, after the Thursday night
Book study, Mark baits a hook for me concerning the Theocratic
Ministry School. I took the bait and attended. Papa had given me a
heads up on what to expect, but seeing it was a bit overwhelming, (after all, I had never been inside a church that actually teaches you to teach others the Bible) but
I was still happy to be there. After the meeting, one of the sisters
that had given a presentation, who happens to be in book study at the
A's home comes up to me and asks me it I think I can do
'this.'
I say yes, but it wasn't until late one night after the
Thursday night study, that Mark asks me if I would like to join the
school, that I actually join, because I was not sure that I was ready,
but he assured me that I was. And what should my first talk be about?
FORGIVENESS!! As a Householder, (assistant) mind you, but I still did research
for the talk, and I learned even more about the need to forgive, but
I still couldn't get the mastery of it! This forgiveness thing was
holding me back. I could not, in good conscience, proceed spiritually
while Hatred still had the mastery over me.
Meanwhile, we had
finished the Bible Teach Book as a congregation study, and I knew that
there were some who were wondering why I wasn't baptized yet, but again,
I had baggage. Heavy baggage. I did go ahead and ask to progress as
an unbaptized publisher. So my first experience in the Ministry was
handing out invitations to the upcoming memorial of Christ' Death,
and by the second week, I was taking the lead in the conversations. I
enjoyed the field ministry and knew that it was something I would be
able to do for Jehovah, but my heart was still heavy.
In part 5, I will talk about something else that was holding me back from serving Jehovah with a happy heart... Pride and Resentment. Yep...